Picking on me although I’ve did nothing wrong at all. You know the only time I want to swear is when I’m bullied like WTH is wrong with wrong with those bullies, 吃饱没事做。Trust me I have done nothing wrong, but every single freaking day, there is always someone who smacks my head, unzip my bag, leave worksheets that are supposed to be passed down hanging and practically being annoying as heck.
I cannot describe how much pain it is to go through bullying, personally for me, it plunges me into a deep and inescapable dark void and forces me to think negatively and day by day my annoyance resistance level is steadily, no what am I saying, it is not steadily increasing, it is in fact drastically increasing, in primary school until secondary school, it only rose to 1.5/10 and now it’s beyond 11 and I don’t even know if I have reached my limit already or not.
Yet I am forced by my mind to stay quiet and every minute I am literally suffering. Turns out being good to everyone doesn’t really have a good ending and yet with these values why am I the one that if just the target. I know everything about bullying, they just want to get your attention so as to their benefit and they are probably taking out their own problems on me and I even know how to solve bullying, how great but it is in a sense like I know but I don’t know at all.
End-of-year examinations are arriving ok, I think whoever reading this knows it too and some schools have already started EoYs as well but this bullying is really taking a toll on my morale and I just have no choice, I told the teacher and it did improve a little bit still it continued after a while. I swear to god that if really I turn out to fail my end of year exams I’m just going to blame bullying. Is being nice to everyone, being a little talented and being a fun person wrong, I am at a loss of what to do, but I am sure I need help and I just need advice from whoever is out there. I still want to be nice to everyone but if recently I am a little aggressive, I think you might know what is happening, I want to solve bullying but being a victim of it myself is making me weaker.
Why do you want to unzip my bag, it’s fun ok what if someone did that to you?
Why do you have to leave worksheets the teacher is passing down hanging in the air, you want to see me not being able to reach it huh, what if someone did that to you?
Why do you have to smack me on my head or kick or hit me, what’s the point and what if someone did that to you?
Why do you want to interrupt someone who is studying? Impolite and what if someone were to pester you about something when you are trying to focus on something?
Why do you even want to throw things at me for no reason I mean would you like it if I did it to you?
Why do you want to take my water bottle or stationery away from me to see me getting annoyed huh what if I also did that to you how would you feel?
There‘s way more but I am already tired from typing.
Bullying ensures that behind my broad and wide smile, there is always the upside down of the smile as if I am wearing a face mask although I am. It makes me think that I don’t have any real friends and find a reason to think they are a fake one. In addition, I am realising I am really just caring more about others a 1000 times more than I am caring about myself.
I also see that others have problems and fears in their life’s and I still actively empathise with them but I am scared that one day I cannot do that anymore. I imagine not a bright future, instead a dark, cold and mean me.
I just want to see everyone good and happy but seems like “everyone“ excludes me. Just because I want everyone to be nice and fine, including the bully, I have never wanted to tell the teacher. My vision, my eyesight has been going from white and yellow to grey and now, it is getting darker and possibly reaching black soon.
I need advice, and please, I know maybe you think that I probably want the bully to stop his actions but what I care more is to send a message to everyone about this bullying thing and give me advice I really need it, thank you so much.
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